2019 dreaming

Well it's here and I'm lounging about looking at pornography and hopes for the year.

I'm ridiculously lucky in my life, with Miss, Mistress and my SO.  My new year's resolution is to be the best man i can for all of them, in the way each one wants, to be as supportive a partner as i can be in each of the different ways they may want me to be.

My hopes for 2019 are that they each seek from me what they want, whatever it may be, knowing the real life constraints that channel us all. I can only be a husband to one, and a friend can only do so much. A lot,  and as mych as i can, but only so much alas.

But i also hope that they each find the strength to give me a bit of what i need as much as what i'd like. The little bit of starch and meanness that i don't really seek but in a weird way need. To suffer and squirm, to fervently wish for kinder treatment but at the end, after, to feel treasured through my suffering and my marks, the pain of bloated and unfulfilled desire, to serve without relief and where the only reward for my kindnesses are tiny cruelties and punishments.

My hope is that this exchange of kindness for cruelty will lead to stronger connections. Not fewer visits but more, as rather than driving me away it draws me in more tightly.  In a sad hope of better treatment, in secret hopes of worse, but more often crawling to feet as confidence grows in their abuses. That the way to secure what they want, whatever it is, lies in being kindly but mean. Carefully applied, calculated doses of cruelty - the drug we submissives always crave. 


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